Articles - Human Success Project
Living with and Managing Your Health (Part 1)
Discussion started by Adam Rangihana 8 years ago
The Human Success Project
Living with and Managing Your Health (Part 1)
Who am I and why is health so important to me...
In my early twenties, I fell 3 stories headfirst into a concrete floor.
As with all people who have suffered major health issues I too have a unique story. I have dealt with and continue to live with all types of abuse, health problems, and a major head injury.
May I say I do not wish to take away from anyone their pain and suffering and the story of their journey which for many is far worse than I could ever conceive. But nor will I take away from my own sense of self the journey of my own soul and the pain and suffering that is rightfully mine to own.
My Story...
Firstly an issue that returns to me again, and again relates to something that happened in my early childhood when I was maybe 4 or 5 years old…
My Father and Mother separated when I was very young. I missed my brothers and sisters terribly. I can still remember hiding behind our bedroom door with my brothers listening to the screaming, yelling and fighting. I did not know what was wrong and tried to look to my older brothers perhaps hoping in some way that they would be able to explain to me what I did not understand.
It was about this time one evening a few days later (Or so I understand) the police came to arrest my Father. I was very upset screaming and crying and was very firmly told by my older brothers and sisters to “shut up” and “you don’t understand”. It was them that I angrily swore to myself through my tears that I would learn everything I could and one day I would understand and that I would stop whatever it was and help rescue my family. I did not know then how much this very emotionally charged promise would affect my life.
From this time onwards I seemed to unknowingly seek to understand the world in relation to that moment in my life. I tried fleetingly and for much of the time unconsciously to search out what is truth. It was very confusing not only because of my own inadequate abilities and sense of self. But also a lack of knowledge, experience and really being not well I was lost in the complexity of everything.
No matter how hard I tried to understand there was always a cloak of darkness that stopped me from seeing what I thought was a way of understanding the truth of the world, understanding everything in relation to that moment perhaps. I fought for the best part of 50 years to break through this great impenetrable wall of darkness while it seemed now looking back that I play acted my life as best I could considering the deprivation and lack of what some would refer having a good sensibility.
Although at times I did manage a certain amount of lucidity. I could not at all be considered as someone who was in full charge of a capacity to see, navigate and steer their life. Mainly looking back with some years of experience and a clearer capacity to perceive the truth of my journey I could but say in general I have for the most part been reacting in a deeper way without a proper self-knowledge of who I was and more acting out who I thought I was supposed to be. This has caused myself, those I care about and those around me great angst and pain for which brings great sorrow as I said, in the beginning, this is not what I wanted. I was easily used by my own nature and the nature of others.
By the time I reached 50 years old, my life was a wreck with every dream and hope I had ever wished for broken and Myself I was a wreck inside. Although some may say that I should be thankful for having a life which is of course completely correct but like all things in this world it was also completely incorrect. I think I was indeed very lucky to find people who were positive and supported me not least of all my partner in her own funny and strange way… nobody's perfect.
If I were to look back on my life in detail as I have lightly outlined it to you in these brief paragraphs I could not give a more haunting reprise. That I would ever find the truth which this 4 or 5 year old child was seeking seemed beyond me and I was in this a complete failure as with the trail of catastrophes that was my life the idea that I would ever find an answer that was right for me was more and more improbable and in this I carried around with me this great emptiness.
To my great surprise on this seemingly endless journey of life at the age of fifty years old I did breach this wall of darkness. A small piece at first but little by little each day I learnt more and more and as the darkness receded finally I wept with both joy and sorrow as one who wakes from a dream to see a new dawn as she spreads her wings to truly show the majesty and beauty of the sky and land.
The answers were and continue to be far more than I ever expected.
to be continued… Living with and Managing Your Health (part 2)
You need to be a member of this group before you can participate in this discussion.
